because I need to blog about something

This is a stream of consciousness.

I’ve been writing so many things for work lately, most of which require me to look over every single word, every single sentence again and again until it’s sharpened into a precise weapon for the purposes it’s intended for. I decided to just write whatever comes to my mind for a solid five minutes until the person I’m waiting for at this coffee shop finally gets here for our work sesh. I might decide to do some edit-clean-up so it’s not such a mess, but I won’t remove anything, no matter how out of place or mundane.

I’ve been sick for the last 5 days with the flu. Wednesday I was in a coma. Thursday I felt like an old creaky woman. Friday, I still wasn’t back, but I was finally climbing out of the darkest stretch.

This was the second time I’ve been sick in a month, at least this time I wasn’t so exhausted and unexcited about doing anything that involved talking to people or putting on a bra and “outside” clothes. I was going through a lot of crap a few weeks ago when my body felt apart, so it was rough.
This time I tried to be completely efficient and professional about the whole ideal, and I think my body was down with that. Even though I felt like hell on Wednesday and ended up sleeping through the entire day, I felt like that did the trick in getting the worst out of me so that at least my brain could function enough to work from home the rest of the week.

Anyway. Being sick has also meant that I’ve been watching a few videos I’ve been meaning to catch, including The Pirate Bay: AFK.

On Friday night, my room mate and I had a Flu, Netflix, N’ Quesadilla* Party. We ended up watching 4 hours of the first Season of Downtown Abbey. Mostly I wanted to understand why it was such a big phenomenon.

So I felt so fucking weird the entire time we were watching it and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I think it’s because it’s just a soap opera dressed up in good production, cinematography, and well done period-era garb. The thing that suuuuper bothered me was how they would sometimes use words or terminology that were in NO WAY used at the time. Like “boyfriend” or in those situations when someone goes on and on about something and someone else says “Ok are you done now?” That’s totally a contemporary thing right? Yeah.

Being bothered by out of place things in movies and shows is totally something I’ve picked up from my dad. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen old Star Trek episodes or Robin Hood: Men in Tights growing up, when my dad has yelled out, “CALIFORNIA OAKS! See??  They’re everywhere. This was filmed right here in Los Angeles.”  It used to bother the crap out of me growing up and I’d groan as loud as I could. Now, I can’t get through any screen feature without doing the same stupid thing in my own head: “Did that *Lord* just say ‘BOYFRIEND’??”

Last night, I watched the film Early Spring by Yasujiro Ozu because my uncle who lives nearby lent me a box set of that director’s later films. I started with that one because I decided I ought to begin with the earliest one in the set, from 1956.

It’s a long 145 min, and the pace of the story is definitely slower than what we’re used to nowadays, but it’s definitely worth seeing. Each scene is thoughtfully composed with tight, intimate, shots. The female characters in the film are so much more independent than I’m used to seeing in old Japanese films. It’s awesome to see strong Japanese females in a movie because outward toughness hasn’t traditionally been upheld to be a virtue in women. Inward toughness, such as the ability to gaman—to withstand something and not externalize or complain about it—is more so. Then again I guess, the same goes for Japanese men so….I’m gonna stop this cultural analysis there.

Anywho, I also liked to think about how this film was filmed less than 30 miles away from my four year old mom in Chiba. The characters were much more well off than my mom was at the time, but my grandpa was a salaryman in the same era. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he would’ve fit in to this movie if he were in it, especially since he’s such an intimidating looking man of few words…


I’ve ended up writing this in starts and stops throughout the day. Longer than 5 minutes. I’m gonna read it through and make some corrections as I said at the get go.

This was fun.



* My roommate let me know that dairy is in fact *not* the worst thing in the world for coughing and phlegminess…according to WebMD. While I don’t completely trust the legitimacy of this information I won’t deny the thing I crave most during a cold/flu are things covered in cheese or yogurt.

an exercise in patience

Woohoo I fixed my layout! That is, only after essentially re-installing WordPress folder-by-folder and scoping out dozens of WP forums. When I realized that my first post looked fine but the rest of my posted were all wacky, I googled the right terms and figured out that it was a stray Div closing tag that was in the last post that had done it. Bah!! =_0

Anyway, I finally got my photos from my Yosemite trip I’ve been trying to get these up for a while but I kept losing my patience with the process so I kept putting it off. The reason I made things more difficult for myself was because I decided not to share my photos on Facebook. I thought it’d be easy enough and generally wanted to start disassociating myself with an advertising data mining company that doesn’t give a single shit about me. So until I find a better alternative to sharing photos I’ve decided that this is where they’re going to go. Sadly, this turned out not to be as simple as I’d thought.

I use an iPhone and an app I bought called Camera+, and I enjoy the convenience and quality of photos that I get from using these. But there’s two areas of bullshit that exist for someone who’s shaking off the curse of Facebook: 1) How they stick Facebook-sharing options/icons on everything making it both stupidly easy to post photos to them and extremely tempting to ditch my efforts, and 2) Once you’ve become accustomed to the convenience of going the FB route, having to resize it, find a place for it, and figuring out how to comment on each of them in an alternate way feels like a huge pain in the ass. Out of my stubbornness and fueled by my annoyance of the thought of giving my photos to FB at that point, I figured it out. I have a great resizing app for my Mac (iResize btw) and found a good plugin that I’ve messed with enough so it’ll definitely be easier from here on out. I just know that if someone wasn’t so adamant about not sharing their photos on Facebook as I was going into this, it totally makes sense for them to not to want to put in the effort.

Most people don’t want to sacrifice convenience for principle, especially when it comes to something as seemingly mundane as where to put your photos. What’s awful is that Facebook totally knows it.

It's been 10 years.

I just realized that I’ve been wearing make-up since I was 14. By that time, it wasn’t about playing around or smearing on too much eye shadow, it had become part of my daily routine and a crucial element to feeling like I was appropriate to go outside. It started with a small amount of concealer, eventually expanding into 10 different products. Living with my mom, it seemed to be normal for it to take upwards of an hour of “getting ready” every day.

There’s a lot of mixed feelings I have about the ritual. About my approximate calculation that I have spent the equivalent of 50 days of my life sitting in front of a mirror to wipe, powder, and paint my face. Or about the hundreds of dollars I’ve used to buy all of that. I’m not gonna go into that now.

I’m going to Yosemite tomorrow to stay at my close friend’s family cabin for the weekend. While I was packing, I decided that I’m not gonna bring any make-up with me. I hate it that this is even a big deal, but it is. My pseudo-obsession with Pragmatism is making me question exactly what the point of it all is, if the benefits outweigh the costs or if it’s all just psychological bullshit. The truth is that I *like* wearing make-up, but the idea of being dependent on anything annoys the hell of me. I’m forcing myself to break out of my comfortable routine. Just gotta see what happens.

Writing Mission: the food and drink

Dear Mom,

I apologize for not writing since arriving here on the Southern Pacific, but I’ve finally gotten to writing to you now that things are Stable. I live Uptown where it’s pretty Urbun. The Range of people and things to do here is something you’d never see at home in South End. I work at a Foreign Cinema now, and I’ve come to meet fellow gender Benders named Luna and Schmidt, for whom I have much Gratitude for showing me around the Beauty of the city. Most weekends, we go to my other friend Rhea’s Dark Room to develop photos or find a place for Asiento to talk about how to bring about the Revolution.

I’ve also come to befriend a man known around here as Mr. Pickles, who passed me my other gig as a DJ at the Radio Habana Social Club. I host a show called Cha Cha Cha, where I’m supposed to be doing a bunch of latin-style Soul Groove jams but they give me enough Elbo Room to do my own thing. I played the entirety of La Traviata once and told the audience that if they had a problem with it, they should Bite Me. My boss’s Reaction? He loved it and said, “Ahh you really are one Crazy Southpaw!”

I know you’re wondering if I’m eating well. Since I don’t have much of an income I’ve found various ways of combining flour + water. I can’t say I’ve stayed an Herbivore since living here. I get Weird Fish, Beast and the Hare, Etcetera, for almost nothing at nearby shops where I’ve come to know the owners. My vegetable intake has mostly consisted of Radish and other hearty greens that I grow in the Evergreen Garden out behind the house.

Anyway, I hope you visit soon. I think you’ll Quickly find that the city reflects the intellectual and cultural Zeitgeist of my generation in many ways. We could go to Mission Beach and release El Farolito into the water and watch them reflect like Little Stars in the waves, just as we did when we went to Cancún. Do you remember? Maybe you’ve lost it to Amnesia…if so, let’s think of it as a deliberate Deja Vú.

Te Yamo.



P.S. I received the world Atlas you sent and I’ve pinned it up in front the toilet like we used to have at home…Gracias Madre.



Note: I did this as a challenge from my sister who suggested the idea of using restaurant/bar titles for a poem. I thought it was a great idea, and decided to limit myself to the Mission. When I started writing, I hated it but kept doing it anyway. Then I started to dig it again, until I realized that it came out looking like a Yelp e-newsletter. Wah-waahh…  Whatever. I like it nonetheless.  😐